A Conversation about Connection in a Challenging Time

In an illuminating and edifying conversation recorded on my most recent Diverse Thinkers podcast, I recently spoke with four students to discuss the idea of discourse and voice. As our theme this year is connection, I wanted to hear how a cross-section of the students in our care are handling a triple threat—a perfect storm, if you will—of challenges: racial and social justice reckoning, a deadly pandemic, and a political season unlike any we have ever experienced. 

The students who took some time to be part of this podcast were (from left in the photo above) Sydney Caldwell ’21 from Charlotte, N.C., who is in her third year at Brewster and is interested in journalism, along with Lara Given ’21 from Marblehead, Mass., a Brewster Lifer who plays field hockey. Jack Miller ’21 also joined us. He is from Ocean, N.J., and is a newly registered voter who plays on our Prep Basketball team. And finally, Zaire Wade ’21 from Sherman Oaks, Calif., completed our group. Zaire is also on the Prep Basketball team and registered to vote for the first time here in N.H.

We began in agreement that we find ourselves in an interesting time in this community, in our culture, and in this world—and that all three of the challenges we face are driving people apart physically and emotionally, and yet we are here together at Brewster. Never before has a theme—connection—been so apt, so real, in our day-to-day interactions with each other, for we have had to have challenging conversations across our differences these past months. I believe this is a shining example of our success; we’ve had lots of joy interspersed with some bumpy times as a community, yet we are working through differences compassionately, in accordance with the core values of our school. 

I asked my guests what it has been like to be in this community right now and how they’ve found ways to express their voices. Sydney’s response could not have been more indicative of what we strive to teach our students. She shared that to find her voice, she has engaged in conversations that have helped evolve her beliefs. Pressed for an example, she told me that in her Current Issues class, she and her classmates typically debate prominent issues. She got into a debate with a fellow student on a topic she felt passionate about and wanted to talk about. “Then I remembered,” she said, “I would only be talking to hear myself speak. I needed to hear their perspective. And although I believed I was right…they have another experience than me, so I should respect that and support it. It changed me a little.” 

Brava, Sydney. This is exactly what we hope our students are learning from their classes and living in our community. Respect. Listening. CONNECTION. We know that living a life of purpose and thus living Brewster’s mission requires us to connect with others, even those we do not agree with, in a meaningful way. 

Teammates Zaire and Jack then spoke about the ways that Brewster’s diversity is a positive factor in their experiences. The word “diversity” has long been a part of our conversations here, and we view that word with the widest lens, knowing that diversity comes in many forms: race, gender, sexual identity, geography, learning styles, and so much more. Zaire described how being open to others’ backgrounds has helped him. “Everyone’s coming from different places,” he explained. “So we’re all new, and this is a new experience. And being an ear first before talking, that has helped me get to know people and see that people wanted to get to know me for me.” 

Jack agreed, noting that where he came from, a public school in “not the biggest town,” made him feel as though everyone had the same beliefs. “Now, my roommate’s from Nebraska, I have a teammate from Northern California. It’s interesting to see different views in one place,” he said. “That’s one of the really cool things about Brewster is having kids from all over—we even have some Thai students. They’re passionate about what’s going on in a country that’s 24 hours away from them. I think that’s really cool. Seeing everyone coming together as a community from all these different backgrounds has been eye opening to me.”

Jack really reminded me of something I, too, love about Brewster: Not only do we have a stellar global immersion program that allows our students to study in other countries, we also welcome students from all over the country and the world to our campus here in Wolfeboro, which brings a special, global perspective to our classes. I’m thrilled that while some of our international students, including our Thai Scholars, are at home and learning remotely, they are still a vital and integral part of our life here on campus. Their voices are clearly heard in our classrooms and are a part of the conversation that Brewster students are enjoying every day. 

As our podcast recording continued, I turned to Lara, whom I have known since she first spoke to me about coming to Brewster when she was an 8th grader. I asked how she feels she has grown in our community. “I’ve grown as a person from all the other experiences from other people here,” she shared. “So many people from so many different backgrounds. I can see their perspectives and try to understand them better. I come from a very small town with one way of thinking, and now I see multiple ways of thinking. It has helped my opinions grow.”

Growth. The growth of our minds and our opinions and how we see our world. It’s something we take for granted happening in our adolescent years, and yet, it’s important to acknowledge how that growth, once it is fostered, informs our decisions as young adults. Our group began discussing what it is like to be 17 and 18 years old, looking at what many consider the most divisive and important election of our time. Lara admitted that in 2016, when she was a freshman, she didn’t think much of the presidential race, but now that she will turn 18 under the newly elected administration, it’s on her mind. “I’ll be 18 in May, so soon I will be affected. I want to have a voice.”

Sydney agreed, sharing that she and her friends are talking about the election and how its outcome will affect their lives in the near future. “Even if you can’t vote in this election, in a few years you will be affected because you’ll be an adult,” she said.

I wanted to know if these students had had any moments where connecting with peers with different political viewpoints had been constructive. Zaire said he was talking with a few guys at lunch, and that although there was a little yelling and it was passionate, all the conversations were civilized. “We all knew we had different experiences,” and for him, that’s what it is boiled down to. He also advocated for young people doing their own research when it comes to politics: “We were talking about this in my SEL class, and I said I feel it’s important to do your research for yourself. If you just listen to the news, it can be manipulative. You need to get your own answers. Don’t just see one thing and agree with it. Go deeper.” I couldn’t agree more. 

I like to think that the adults at Brewster have been intentional about talking about how we communicate to each other this year and asked the group what they thought. They agreed that teachers and dorm parents have done a good job of helping the kids out, especially when disagreements have cropped up. Jack pointed out that “Mr. Skelley did a very good job of informing kids about what’s going on rather than trying to push us one way or another, and I respected that a lot. He did a good job showing me what to do and not telling me” and in so doing reminded me how critically important dialogue between students and teachers s in shaping how students engage with each other. 

I also asked my guests what we could be doing better to make this community stronger and healthier, so kids become more responsible, more respectful of each other and themselves. Sydney said she felt our community does a great job on that front, and that it is up to the individual person to be inclusive and respectful. “You can’t really force a student to do so, it’s really just a part of growing up,” she said, getting nods from her peers. “At Brewster, most of us are boarders, so we have a lot of independence. And Brewster helps us develop that independence, which helps us grow up, which then teaches us to be inclusive and responsible and respectful.” 

By the end of the podcast recording, I recognized a change—these students, with their honesty and insights, became more than my podcast guests…they became my teachers. I felt an intense gratitude for them and their ideas, their willingness to share them openly, and their participation in our community. My hope is that you will take the opportunity to listen to the voices in this podcast, and in your own community, and do what Zaire, Sydney, Lara, and Jack, have done: connect.